she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
