i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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