So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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