Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
