girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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