Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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