trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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