so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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