I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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