Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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