ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
how drunk are you?
Several
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
