Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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