well I can't set my house on fire every night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I love having hate sex.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
