so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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