I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As shirtless as possible
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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