the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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