she woke up with a sticky ear
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
