i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
