i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
These tits shall not be calmed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
