I think I won the penis lottery.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
