The beer is more important than you right now.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize