The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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