i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
