this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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