When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dignity is for republicans.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
