Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
