Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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