): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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