just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
