the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
