whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
