it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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