Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
