Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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