I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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