We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
