just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just had sex on a roof
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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