His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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