ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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