I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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