Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
two words...techno handjob
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
