I want to walk on stilts...naked
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
