My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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