I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
