you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
