Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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