The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
