Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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