So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
