He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
