ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
