My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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