Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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