I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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