I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
