Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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