That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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