i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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