I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
