There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
