No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
