Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think my mom watched the whole time
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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