My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
