if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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