I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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