You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
